The video from Wednesday was very eye opening from me and gave me insight into how powerful we woman can be in building up our men or breaking them down.
I wrongly assumed that all a man needed was love, but I have learnt that a man needs craves respect a whole lot more. To know that his dreams are not going to shot down at the first instance. To know that the woman who stands beside him, will always be stood beside him and will always believe in him. It is a great comfort to a man, so much so that if you can do this for him, he will be willing to sacrifice anything for you.
When you meet a guy, what do you see?
Do you look at who he is today or look at what he will become?
Do you make judgements on what you see in the present or what the future will hold.
Do you believe in him when he's still a student trying to further himself, so that one day he can the best in his field or write him off because you're 'not on the same page'.
Do you stick with him when he appears to have no money, but he is being prudent so that he can lay the right financial foundation for your family or do you walk away because you want the 'nice' life now.
When he shares his vision and tells you his dreams, do you support and encourage or do you tut and say to yourself it will never happen.
Do you look at who he is today or look at what he will become?
Do you make judgements on what you see in the present or what the future will hold.
Do you believe in him when he's still a student trying to further himself, so that one day he can the best in his field or write him off because you're 'not on the same page'.
Do you stick with him when he appears to have no money, but he is being prudent so that he can lay the right financial foundation for your family or do you walk away because you want the 'nice' life now.
When he shares his vision and tells you his dreams, do you support and encourage or do you tut and say to yourself it will never happen.
Zechariah 4:10 tell us...
'Do not despise the days of small beginnings'.Boundless have a great article called 'Faith for the Man He'll Become'. Have a read. It will encourage you.
So how can we practically support the men in our lives?
- Allow him to lead.
- Affirm him in front of others
- Remind him {tell him} how much you believe in him, admire him and love him
- When he makes a mistake, don't tell him 'I told you so'. In the majority of instances, men know when they have made a mistake and don't need constant reminders about it, but want to forget it and move on, knowing that you have forgiven him
- Put him first in your life {after God}, in the decisions you make and the things that you do.
Any more? Would love to hear from some guys on this one too!
Christians find it strange when I say that a man is also supposed to submit to his wife; they respond with comments like "there can not be two captains in a boat" which to me only reflects that tendency in men to want to lord it over women. Paul told men to love their wives as Christ loved the church AND GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER. Whao!! this is the highest form of submission for a man to love his wife so much that he is willing to die for her. Christ died for his wife (the church) not because his wife (the church) first submitted to Him (Christ), because it was "while we were yet sinners that he died for us" Now, that is TRUE LOVE!!! That is UNSELFISH LOVE!!! If a man TRULY (I always use the adjective TRULY because TRUE LOVE embodies every noble virtue possible) loves his wife, he would also submit to her. So, eventually what you have is the husband loving and submitting to his wife and the wife also loving and submitting to her husband. Love and submission in truth are aspects of the same thing.
ReplyDeleteI have been married 10 years now and I love and submit to my wife and she loves and submits to me. I do not take offence because my wife is not "pampering my ego" And mind you I am an incurable romantic: I remember and celebrate the day we first met, (June 14) the day I asked her out (April 4) the day we got married (December 23), etc etc. We have two lovely children 9 and 5 years old and am still very very much in love with her. There are times when I lead and my wife follows and there are times when SHE LEADS and I follow; we are partners, we complete each other, she perfectly fufills my notion of beauty, we are one as God intended.
I do not know if this is a female-only-response post. Pardon me if it is. But recently I can't help but respond when I see certain ideas being propagated in relationship seminars and books especially in the household of faith.
ReplyDeleteI have attended several christian relationship seminars and read quite a number of books especially since my undergraduate days and my observation so far is that emphasis is being placed on the wrong things. It is not so much that what they are saying is wrong, rather the over-arching theme of their exegesis is off the mark. Take this video for instance: I do not understand why women are constantly been told that "men have fragile egos and that women have to submit and cater to their husbands ego". Why are men never told to stop sulking, grow up and be less egotistical? What everyone is willy-nilly calling a "male ego" is just a fanciful expression for "male selfishness". I am a man so I am not writing this because I am female. I see a trend especially in christiandom as to how this artificial dichotomies between men are are always been created. Obviously men and women are different and I for one know that very well (I trained as a medical doctor and can give you a million physiological and biochemical differences between the sexes) but these so -called differences are not as "unique" as these relationship experts are advertising. Has anyone noticed that God Himself does not have a different plan of salvation for women and for men. If the sexes are so different obviously God would have taken that into account.
But I digress; Women are constantly told that they need to submit to their husbands because men prefer submission (respect ) to love. Really? I have even heard many christians say, refering to Galatians 5, that Paul told men to love their wives but did not tell women to because love comes to women naturally. Really? These statements are not true for two good reasons:
1. In Titus 1, Paul told women to learn how to love their husbands - infact specifically, older women were told to instruct the younger women how to love their husbands.
2. When Paul used the words "submit" or "respect",you would agree with me that he was not in anyway telling the woman to be afraid of the man or that the man should be domineering. "Submission" here comes out of the woman's love for her husband. Put in another way "A woman will not truly submit to her husband except she loves him.
(So as not to exceed the word allowed, I will continue on another post)
And 10 years later people are surprised when we say we are married.
ReplyDelete"You don't look it" is their usual response. And mind you they mean it as a compliment.
Would have sent you a much longer write-up if I had your email address. There is a video of Marc Cohn playing TRUE COMPANION on my blog. You can check it out and see if you could use it for your up-coming wedding,. It is a great song. My best wishes to you and Mr. E.
ReplyDeleteCorrections please: I meant Ephesians and not Galatians, specifically Galatians 5: 22-25 then Titus 2:4 and 1 Cor 13 especially verse 5 ..." love does not seek its own...."
ReplyDeleteRecently, I started to learn about marriage anew cos the people I now stay with are not my parents. I now see marriage in a different perspective. What you have written about is what I am learning. Respect is very much needed in marriage or else, its near crumble.. May God help our ladies. Yes, he is ur friend, your bestfriend and all...but he still deserves respect. God bless you Chichi.
ReplyDelete- LDP
@ Eyitemi. Thanks for your contribution. It is definitely not a female only reponse post.
ReplyDeletePlus it is always good to hear from someone who is on the 'front line' so to speak. Congratulations on being married for 10 years!
My email is fromnowtillido@yahoo.com if you want to get in touch with any further commentary. I would love to hear it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to give further insight on what is a very important subject for both men and women.
I still believe that respect is imporant but like you said, it shouldn't be one sided, likewise love.