Failure to prepare is preparing to fail

Last week E! showed the wedding of Khloe Kardashian {‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’ fame} and Lamar Odom {LA Lakers} who decided to get married after a month of meeting each other, and planned the wedding in just 9 days.

Now obviously no one can comment on somebody else’s personal situation but I know I wouldn't feel comfortable getting married to someone after a month, no matter how ‘in love’ I felt.

It got me thinking about marriage preparation and what people do to get themselves ready for marriage and how you know when you’re ready. Your wedding is only one day and is the start of the rest of your life. Your marriage will last a life time, so needs to be built on a solid foundation.

Over the past year, we have spent time in pre-marital classes, read loads of books, read lots of articles in magazines and online, been sat down by members of the older generation who want to give advice {and trust me they have been real pearls of wisdom}, watched TV programmes. Lots. And like a sponge I’m soaking it all in, as I believe you can’t have enough good advice. To be honest the books are great, but in a sense it’s just theory, I get so much more value from the people who are living and breathing it daily. Especially those couples who have been married for many many years.

I personally have really valued every moment because sometimes you need those opportunities to sit there with your significant other and discuss issues that you might not want to talk about. As my dad would say, it’s better to talk about them on this side of the marriage, as once you’re married there’s no going back.

In turn as you walk through the journey of courtship, your level of ‘readiness’ should increase. I know mine has. When we set the wedding for September 09, I felt in myself great I have a year to ‘get ready’ – my excuse at the time was ‘off course you can’t plan a wedding in less than a year’, clearly you definitely can. Now that they year has been and gone, I feel like I’m in overtime, you know like in a football match. The game has ended and I’m playing extra time.

Nearlyweds, how are you preparing for your marriage? Newlyweds and married folks what piece of advice have you found most valuable?

Photo from OK Magazine

Proposal memories

A year ago today Mr E asked me to his wife.  It’s amazing how quickly the past 12 months have gone.

Our relationship has gone from strength to strength, as we have grown as a couple, learning more about each other and learning more about our relationship. Heck! I’ve learnt more about myself!

I recently found my journal from earlier in the year, where I wrote down the advice that different people have given to us over the past 12 months. Here are some of my favourites:

You are best friends:
- share everything together
- make decisions together
- pray together
- have no secrets
- spend time together
- get interested in each other's hobbies
- get to know each other's personalities, vision and desires

Marriage is for life, divorce is not an option


Communication is key


Understanding and sacrifices will sometimes need to be made


God is at the centre and we fight our battles on our knees


2009 has seen some curve balls thrown at us but we have stood strong through it all and I believe that 2010 will be our year.

I want to take this opportunity to say thank you to all our friends and family who have supported us in 2009.

We love you lots!

Here’s to the future!
  

Our Barrack and Michelle Obama election victory inspired posing!

Happy Christmas!

Tomorrow we celebrate Christmas, the day our Saviour was born. 2000 years ago, Jesus came to earth in order that we can be free and have eternal life.

I hope that you will be spending the day with those that you love. Cherish them, tell them that you love them and enjoy fellowship as we remember what Christmas is all about.

If you happen to be alone this Christmas and your current situation is not how you wish it to be, know that God loves you and you are very special to him.

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. Romans 8:28 TM

Hop over to Boundless who have a great article, which I hope you find encouraging.

To everyone - enjoy tomorrow and for a bit of fun, I have attached a picture of moi, enjoying my very first Christmas!

Happy Holidays - see you next week!

Love is a verb

“Love means that I have to do something, and it means it’s going to cost me something”
– Joyce Meyer

Image - Love Revolution

I was watching Joyce Meyer this morning and she was talking about 'Real Love' and I was really challenged by her teaching. Many a times I say ‘I love’, but my actions don’t always mirror the words.

In John 15:12, Jesus tells us that we should should ‘love one another’ just as He loved us.  Now we all know what love is, 1 Corinthians 13 describes it very well and it is one of the most popular bible verses at weddings. However love without action, is theory.

‘Love thy neighbour’ is another well known verse but neighbour doesn’t just limit you to those people who live next door to you, it can basically mean anyone who crosses your path during the course of the day.

Ask yourself: what need can I meet today, how can I show love? It could be a word of encouragement, a cup of coffee with a old friend or surprising your significant other with an unexpected act of kindness! A simple action can make all the difference.

“When we see a need, we are going to meet it. We don’t need a twelve-hour prayer meeting; we are going to meet people’s needs, unless God tells us otherwise” – Joyce Meyer

To feel love you need to give love, so selfishness has no place here! Reach out to others, even to those people who you think don’t deserve it. More often than not, the people who treat us the worst are the ones who need the most love, understanding and kindness from us.

Today, I commit to showing love through action everyday and I challenge you to do the same. Let’s all make an effort to show love to those around us {strangers included}, not just today but everyday.

To get you started there are some great ideas here.

What practical ways will you be showing love this Christmas time?

Getting the mind ready for 2010

I found this on Think Splendid and thought it was perfect for this time of year.

Liene writes, ‘the purpose is for all of us to declutter our minds from all the toxic thoughts and beliefs that tend to fill it and start the new year with a fresh slate’.

As we enter 2010 next week, I thought it would be great to share.

1. Unforgiveness or holding a grudge is like drinking a bottle of poison and waiting for the other person to die.
2. For planners: no one has the cure for AIDS in their timelines, so stop stressing over "secrets". YOU are your trade secret.
3. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt
4. Unsubscribe from any blogs that consistently make you upset or uncomfortable. No rule that says you have to read them.
5. Go through your own twitter or blog history and count how many are complaints. Set a goal to cut that number at least in half for this year.
6. A gratitude journal does wonders, I can't stress this enough. Happytapper.com is a great iPhone app.
7. Don't believe all the hype or read your own headlines. Wedding industry "fame" should always be taken with a grain of salt.
8. You can't fully control life, even with positive thinking. Other people’s poor choices will still affect you. Respond; don't react.
9. "The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good." - Ann Landers.
10. There is no shortage of talent in the wedding industry. Choose to work with vendors you like and who won't drag everyone down.
11. The world is a bakery producing fresh opportunities every day, not a fixed pie where you need to fight for the last crumb.
12. If your ideas aren't being copied, they probably aren't that good. Protect them legally, but prepare to let some things go.
13. Go on record as the first to have the idea and/or style. You can't be a trendsetter if you don't allow your idea to become a trend.
14. If you work from home, make it a point to have lunch at least once a week with a friend or colleague. It will do wonders for your outlook.
15. Perfect doesn't exist, so let go of the extra stress. Sometimes you just have to launch an idea and refine it as you go along.
16. Some people who have wronged you will never apologize. Let it go. You can't be their conscience/Jiminy Cricket/Holy Spirit.
17. Let's face it: we all have issues; some that we don't even know exist. Everyone should see a counsellor. Pride kills.
18. True humility doesn't hide its gifts. Keep your ego in check, but don't pretend to not be good at something you're good at.
19. "There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you." – Marianne Williamson
20. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion. You can't please everybody and you certainly don't have to listen to everybody.
    What piece of mental detox advice would you add to this list?

For more great advice like this on business and life, visit www.thinksplendid.com

Blog Love

It’s almost been a year since I started blogging and in that time I have discovered some fantastic blogs out there. Some have been wedding related, others to do with finance, some to do with married life and others just general ones.

The internet is an amazing place and every now and then I stumble across a blog that I think – wow this is great and I immediately subscribe! I love reading about other peoples lives, triumphs and challenges and you really feel like you know the writer just by following their posts.

As a reader of From Now Till I do, I thank you for being part of my community during 2009.  I love writing and hope that you enjoy the content that I write about. My commitment to you will always be to remain relevant, open and honest in my posts and your feedback and comments are ever welcome.

I’m always on the look out for new reading, so if you have a blog that you would like to share, please feel free to leave the details in the comments section.

Would you put oil on your face?

Ordinarily I would have said no, but then I heard about Bobbi Brown Extra Face Oil.

I suffer from dry skin, which gets worse in the winter and was advised to try oil over normal lotion, as it is more moisturising for the skin. I was a little skeptical at first, as traditionally I try not to go for an oily look but I thought, what the hey, I'll give it a go. So as a pay day treat I purchased me some face oil. 

{From Bobbi Brown site} This emollient facial oil provides a concentrated boost of intensive moisture to comfort very dry skin. The lightweight formula absorbs easily, immediately moisturising, softening, and conditioning skin with an oil blend of Sesame, Sweet Almond, Olive and Jojoba. Vitamin E protects skin from environmental damage. With continued use, helps keep skin soft and supple. Scented with a soothing blend of natural essential oils, including Neroli, Patchouli, Lavender and Sandalwood. Dermatologist-tested.

I've only used it for two days and so far so good, definitely feeling less dryness on my skin. Will continue to use over the holidays and let you know how I get on.

18 Tips for a Frugal (not cheap) wedding

The recession has hit everyone so finding ways to save money is always welcome.

Check out this post by Trent on the The Simple Dollar on 18 tips for a frugal wedding.

Some of the ones that I will be doing include:
4. Ask for wedding help instead of wedding gifts {this has been offered to us already, by some very generous friends and family}
5. Go minimal on flowers {not a huge flower fan}
7. Make your own invitations {I will be designing and dad will be printing}

And of course 16, 17, 18. You'll be amazed at the skills, talents and ideas some of the people around you have. Don't be afraid to ask for assistance and planning is key to make sure you don't forget anything. I find carrying a notebook around in my handbag, allows me to jot down ideas and to-do lists at a moments notice.

For those of you who are already married or are nearlyweds, any other money saving wedding advice?

Hairdressing woes

So the great hairdresser search continues. At the moment I still haven’t found myself a hairdresser that I’m totally happy with. I tried a new place out about a month ago and whilst I was happy with the overall look and service on the day, I wasn’t too impressed with their pricing structure.

They’re one of those places where every step of the process is charged separately. For example, I rang up to book a treatment and in their price booklet it says treatment £14.40. At the end of the phone call I say ask the girl to confirm what the total price will be and she comes back with £34.40. I’m confused!

Me: Doesn’t your price book say a treatment is £14.40?

Salon: Yes, but it’s an extra £20 to blow dry the hair.

Me: Err what? You have have to pay extra for a blow dry, it’s not included?

Salon: No

Me: Interesting, the price is almost as much as getting my hair relaxed. I think I’ll leave it.

You have to pay extra to be able to leave the salon with dry hair!

I don’t get it. Surely if that’s the true price, why not quote £34 rather than break everything down, when they know full well most women aren’t going to leave a salon with wet hair! I’d rather places be upfront and charge one price which includes everything.

Anyone else had similar experiences?

Christmas is coming!

Yowza! Not long until until the New Year and even less time until Christmas. Where has this year gone!

2009 has definitely been a year of change, a year of personal growth, a year of new experiences. Things which looking back, I am extremely grateful for, as you don't realise your own strength or patience until it’s tested.

Can’t wait to be off work for a fortnight and spend time with my family. I’m also looking forward to lots of really good food {thanks mum!} and catching up with my girls.

Christmas is by far my favourite holiday, as not only do we remember our Saviour being born, but it's a time for us reconnect with people and I hope to be able to do some of that this holiday season.

What do you love most about the holidays?

‘Little’ drummer boy – taken in NYC 2007

In my kitchen: Banana Cake

How you can go from this:

to this:

Let’s just say this was the most amazing cake I have ever made. Didn’t realise bananas in cake could be so yummy!

This is a great way to use over ripe bananas which you don’t want to eat, but don’t want to waste.

Ingredients
4oz butter or margarine
6oz sugar (granulated, caster, or mix in some demerara, whatever you have to hand)
8oz self raising flour
2 eggs
2 large or 3 medium, very ripe bananas

Instructions

1. Heat the oven to gas mark 4; 180C
2. Grease a 2lb loaf tin*
3. Mash the bananas with a sturdy fork.
4. Cream the butter and sugar together and mix in the eggs
5. Mix together the two yellow sludges you now have.
6. Mix in the flour.
7. Scrape into the loaf tin and bake for 40 minutes then lower the temperature to gas mark 2; 150C and cook for a further 30 minutes.
8. Try to let it cool (turned out on a rack) before you devour it.

* I split my cake mixture between a loaf tin and an ordinary cake tin, as I thought it would be too much for the loaf tin. I needn’t have worried as all it would have done, was create a bigger cake. Next time I will put all in one tin.
Recipe kindly borrowed from here.

Friends Forever

Yesterday was the birthday of my very good friend SB.

I remember the first day we met, at our church summer picnic, I was scared of her! She has this presence about her and you definitely knew when she was in a room! Over the years as I have got to know her, I have learnt that her bark is much worse than her bite and she truly is a fabulous woman, selflessly caring for those around her.

She has supported me through ups and downs, provided me with laughs, corrected me when I'm wrong and even accompanied me on a nail course back in the day, when we were thinking about becoming nail technicians lol! She has also fed me on many occasions and I'm still waiting for her to teach me how to make rice and peas {Jamaican style}!

SB I adore you and thank you for your friendship. I wish the world for you and pray that God will move you higher and it will be a year of great abundance and blessings.

Happy Birthday SB! x

The Marriage Course

For those of you who have heard about Alpha, you may not know that the church behind it, Holy Trinity Brompton, have another course specifically tailored at couples called 'The Marriage Course'.

Written by Nicky and Sila Lee, who are also authors of 'The Marriage Book' {which I have read and will review in another post}, the 7 week course is suitable for all age groups, from those preparing for marriage {moi}, those going through a bit of a rocky time and also those who want to enrich their current experience of married life.

The format of each event usually goes like this:

Dinner: Each evening starts at 7pm with a catered dinner meal. Over dinner there’s an opportunity to spend time together as a couple or with other couples if you desire (if you are coming with friends). The mood for the evening is "A Dinner Date" (dress is casual, however!).

Talk: You will then view a talk on a specific topic given by Nicky and Sila Lee on video. Topics include:

• Building Strong Foundations
• The Art of Communication
• Resolving Conflict
• The Power of Forgiveness
• Parents and In-Laws

All chosen because they are foundational to a healthy marriage.

Discussion: During the talk there are exercises for you to do together as a couple. Every effort is made to make sure your conversations aren’t being overheard and music is played in the background. During the longest exercise you are served coffee or tea and cake. The exercises come from a workbook each person will receive on the first night.

Homework: At the end of each session you will be given some homework to do together before the next session. It isn’t looked at by anyone else and is just for your own benefit to help you continue your discussion at home.  The evening ends around 9:15pm.

Each event is set up, so that couples can have an intimate environment {candle lit dinner for two}, giving them the opportunity to talk about their relationship in private. Nicky and Sila’s approach is very down to earth with lots of practical ideas drawn from their own 25 year marriage.

For the past few weeks they have been showing The Marriage Course on UCB and have now started showing it on GOD Channel. Mr E and I have been watching it,  doing our own mini marriage course and the great thing about Sky+ is that you can record it and watch at your convenience. Also being able to rewind and pause where needs be, affords you the time to discuss certain issues and how they relate to the relationship.

We can both confidently say that we have taken away a lot from the course so far and would encourage others to take part, even if it is just watching the programme on TV. For those of you who want to join in on the marriage course fun, check it out the GOD channel {Sky viewers 580}, Wednesdays at 9pm or in the flesh at a place near you!

Winter Wonderland Wedding

So a winter wedding may be on the cards and whilst it will be much colder than a wedding in September, there will definitely be some positive aspects.

Take a look at some of these beautifully themed Winter Wonderland weddings. Very classy.

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In my kitchen: Flapjack

After my lovely roast chicken dinner last weekend,  I was craving something sweet. As I had run out of eggs, I wasn’t able to bake a cake. So I had a look in the cupboard to see what I could make with the ingredients I did have: sugar, syrup, butter and oats.

Enter a childhood favourite…flapjack. {To my American readers, this is very similar to a granola bar but a much softer and moist, without any of the fruit and nut}.

Now you wouldn’t believe how difficult it was trying to find a decent recipe for flapjack online. After scouring various sites I settled on the recipe below.

Ingredients:

Chopped rolled (cheap porridge) oats 125g

Rolled (premium porridge) oats 125g

Margarine or butter 150g

Golden syrup 75g or 4 tablespoons

Sugar 75g (ideally brown sugar)

Instructions:

1. Put the 150g of margarine, 75g of sugar & 75g of golden syrup in saucepan and heat until it is all liquid.
2. Meanwhile line the baking tin with greaseproof paper.
3. Mix all the oats into the liquid.
4. Put the mixture into the baking tin & press flat.
5. Bake at 175 °C (Gas Mark 4) for 25 to 30 minutes. Warning: the timing is tolerant but accuracy in temperature is critical.
6. Slice into squares before it sets but leave in place in tin.
7. Leave to cool and set.

Now these flapjacks came out soft and I actually prefer them more crunchy, so my brother (who is a chef extraordinaire) has advised that next time, I cook them for longer time at a higher heat.

You can make many variations to the traditional recipe – add chocolate chips, coat with chocolate on top, you name it, you can do it. As it is such a simple recipe, you can’t really go wrong.

With a cold glass of milk – yummy! Takes me right back to my youth! :)

I’ve gotta lot to be thankful for!

‘In all things give thanks’. 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Lord I thank you…

• that I am alive and healthy today.
• for my family, for keeping them safe, for providing for them and for being with them wherever they are in the world.
• for blessing me with a wonderful, amazing man, who loves me and who I will soon call my husband. Te Quiero, honey.
• that in the midst of economic meltdown and redundancies all around, I am still gainfully employed.
• for blessing me a beautiful home.
• for the wonderful people you brought into my life, who I can call my friends.
• for directing us to great new church.
• for all the people who have been supporting and standing with us in prayer over the past few months.
• for your miracles and blessing over the past year.

Thank you Lord because you are awesome, mighty and worthy of all praise. I love you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Image{source}

In my kitchen: Spicy Roast Chicken

So yesterday I cooked half a roast chicken on my own. Now it might not sound like much, but I'm usually afraid of any piece of chicken bigger than a thigh, as I don’t really know how to handle it, yet alone attempt to cook it.

But I thought this weekend, I would give it a go. Saturdays are my experimental days and I figured that sometime in the near future Christmas dinner will fall to me and it would be good to get in some practice! I did a quick search on Google to get some ideas on techniques and basic steps and off I went.

I washed, I spiced and I roasted and Voila! An hour and a half later, Mr E and I were tucking into spicy roast chicken, with roast potatoes and vegetables – yummy!

I forgot to take a picture, which I’m slighted gutted about, as it did look rather nice {the picture above is from Google}, so instead I thought I’d share some helpful tips I learnt along the way.

Cooking tips:

• Temperature should be around 190 degrees, gas mark 5 to allow it to cook evenly. Last thing you want is burnt skin and raw insides!
• If you like tasty chicken, create your own marinade and let it sit in it for a while. If you have time, overnight in the fridge is good but I did it for 20 mins and it was fine. My marinade is a mixture of ketchup {yes!}, jerk seasoning, chicken seasoning, paprika, chilli powder, Knorr cubes, Garam masala and thyme. I then sprinkle Cajun seasoning just before I pop it in the oven. If you like your chicken mild, simple salt and pepper should suffice.
• During cooking you should ‘baste’ the chicken at least 3 times., every 20/25 mins or so. Now I didn’t have a clue what this meant, but after a quick Google search I discovered all it means is to take the chicken out of the oven and pour the chicken juice created through the roasting, over it and put back in the oven. Not sure what this is supposed to do, but I think it might help the chicken stay nice and moist.
• In the last 10 mins turn the heat up really high so that outside gets extra crispy.
• If you want nice crispy potatoes, boil the potatoes for 10-15 mins, then place in roasting dish, cover with some of the chicken juice and let it roast for around 30-40 mins

Overall the meal was delicious and I will definitely be attempting it again with a full chicken!

Proverbs 31: A Woman that fears the Lord

Before I start this post, one quick thing to mention. Even though the verses talk in the context of being a wife and mother, a lot of it is still relevant to those of us who are not yet married.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30

So, as a Proverbs 31 woman, what does it mean to fear the Lord?

Psalm 111:10 tells us, fear of the Lord is the foundation of true wisdom. All who obey his commandments will grow in wisdom. (NLT)

We also know that the, 'fear of the Lord is the foundation of wisdom. Knowledge of the Holy One results in good judgment’. Proverbs 9:10

Is it talking about 'fear' as in being afraid in the negative sense. I don't think so. I believe it's more of a positive fear of reverence and respect for the Lord's greatness. The Proverbs 31 woman has an awe-filled, humble regard for her Creator and Lord. She knows God and honours Him above all else and because of this a woman who fears God…

- Is not anxious of the future

- Applies practical wisdom in all aspects of life

- She is strong, both physically and morally

- Will not live for herself alone but for others {especially her husband if she is married}

- She lives for the needy

or in other words...

Every other activity and quality of this woman is based on this all-essential trait:

i. Because she fears the Lord … she does her husband good.

ii. Because she fears the Lord … she works with willing hands.

iii. Because she fears the Lord … she buys a field and plants a vineyard. Her entrepreneurial ventures have integrity and purpose in serving her household.

iv. Because she fears the Lord … she cares for the poor and shares with those in need.

v. Because she fears the Lord … she can laugh at the days to come. She doesn't fear the unknown future.

vi. Because she fears the Lord ... she opens her mouth with wisdom. Her life and words instruct others.vii. Because she fears the Lord … she does not eat the bread of idleness. Her knowledge of God motivates her to work diligently.

Everything in her life is built on this and we should seek to build our lives around God and his priorities.

So how can we take the above and make it practical?

********

Further reading

A woman that fears the Lord, Now that is beautiful

A woman who fears the Lord Is to be praised  - John Piper

Proverbs 31:10-31 (Contemporary English Version)

In Praise of a Good Wife

¹⁰A truly good wife
   is the most precious treasure
   a man can find!
¹¹Her husband depends on her,
   and she never
   lets him down.
¹²She is good to him
   every day of her life,
¹³and with her own hands
   she gladly makes clothes.
¹⁴She is like a sailing ship
   that brings food
   from across the sea.
¹⁵She gets up before daylight
   to prepare food
   for her family
   and for her servants.
¹⁶She knows how to buy land
   and how to plant a vineyard,
¹⁷and she always works hard.
¹⁸She knows when to buy or sell,
   and she stays busy
   until late at night.
¹⁹She spins her own cloth,
²⁰and she helps the poor
   and the needy.
²¹Her family has warm clothing,
   and so she doesn't worry
   when it snows.
²²She does her own sewing,
   and everything she wears
   is beautiful.
²³Her husband is a well-known
   and respected leader
   in the city.
²⁴She makes clothes to sell
   to the shop owners.
²⁵She is strong and graceful, as well as cheerful
   about the future.
²⁶Her words are sensible,
   and her advice
   is thoughtful.
²⁷She takes good care
   of her family
   and is never lazy.
²⁸Her children praise her,
   and with great pride
   her husband says,
²⁹"There are many good women,
   but you are the best!"
³⁰Charm can be deceiving,
   and beauty fades away,
   but a woman
   who honours the LORD
   deserves to be praised.
³¹Show her respect--
   praise her in public
   for what she has done.

This Proverbs 31 women, is she for real?

When you read about the Proverbs 31 woman, how do you feel? I know in the past I have read it and been like ‘whoa, is she for real?’. Other times I read it and walk away feeling really inspired, ‘how can I be more like her’.

Earlier in the week, I listened to a teaching by Josh Harris, as part of his Proverbs series, titled ‘The Women of Valour’ and I got to view Proverbs 31 in a completely new light. He focused on four characteristics of the valiant women, in order of importance:

• She fears God
• She gives her life away
• She is capable
• She is influential

Proverbs 31 is a ‘joyful expression of womanly excellence, resourcefulness and skill’ and Josh says we should approach it with humility and faith. Humility in the fact that we recognise that it’s not all about me and God is already aware of my weaknesses and deficiencies already and by faith, knowing that God has good for me in his Word and there is a joy and blessing that come as you study his Word.

When we read any passage in the Bible, there are two questions we should ask ourselves:

1. What effect does God want this passage to have on me?

2. What does he want to accomplish through it?

Over the next week, I hope to talk through what I got out of this teaching and practical ways to apply it daily life.

*************************************************

Options for you…

• Listen online or download an mp3 of the message
• Download a summary outline in PDF format.
• Use the following questions prepared by Don Devries to reflect on how to apply the message to your life.

1. A godly woman knows and fears the Lord. Is there anything you are living for--personal success, a husband, your children, etc.--more than you are living for God and His Kingdom?
2. Josh taught us that the Proverbs 31 woman is capable. How can this chapter stir godly ambitions for the Lord?
3. As Josh taught, the Proverbs 31 woman gives her life away. Is there need around you that the Lord is calling you to help meet?
4. Concerning godly womanhood, are you following what the world values or are you valuing what God says is praiseworthy?
5. In what one Proverbs 31 quality would you like to grow?
6. Men, how can you encourage, cherish and honour the values of womanhood described in Proverbs 31?

What influences your magazine choices?

I love reading and I love reading magazines. It’s funny how depending on what phase of life I’m going through, it determines what magazines I currently read. I know some magazines are read regardless or are linked to a hobby, but I do find that the majority of the time, the above does ring true.

I remember a few years ago when I was at university, I was really into my female glossies, you know like your Glamour, Marie Claire, Company and InStyle, I loved reading about fashion and beauty, so every month without fail, I would have a copy of each to delve into at the weekend. Then I bought my house and moved to House Beautiful, You and Your Home, Real Homes where I was all inspired by paint colours and fabric swatches!

Fast forward to January and it was You and Your Wedding, Cosmopolitan Bride and Wedding Ideas. {Word to note on bridal magazines, they are pretty much the same month in month out. So after about two months you can probably stop buying them!}

Now I’m not currently buying any magazine regularly, with the exception of Essence {when I find it}, but it is interesting the things that I have little desire to read about now.  I love it when I go abroad though, as there are usually lots of magazine choices that I have never seen before and I always come back with great new additions to the collection. Sometimes I actually prefer the foreign equivalents {Glamour is much better over the pond}!

Another thing about magazines is that I hate throwing them away, so I made sure when I moved house in August, that I finally took the opportunity to get rid and recycle them all. My little sister had a great job of carting all my magazines to the recycling bin! Now, rather than keep the whole magazine I’m starting to take out my favourite articles and keep them instead. This is such a space saver and I’m effectively creating my own magazine, full of pages relevant to me.

My favourite e-zine as you all know is Boundless which I have been reading since I was at University and still find relevant today. As it is online, it is very eco-friendly and I print articles I like, as and when. A lot of magazines are going online now, is this the future?

My current passion at the moment is cooking and I have managed to avoid buying any magazines as I currently get all my recipes online or via the Food Channels. Are there any good food/cooking magazines I should try?

What are some of your favourite magazines and do they reflect your current phase of life?

Who’s in charge of your Schedule?

To-do lists rule my life at the moment and sometimes I wonder how I will ever achieve everything I need to do in a day. I know as a wife and mother this won’t necessarily become easier as the responsibilities become greater. I need to find a way to prioritise and manage my time better, ultimately ensuring that I am doing what God wants me to be doing.

I found this great article online about how God is teaching one woman about schedules. Have a read and let me know what you think? There are some great principles which I will definitely be applying to my life.

By Blair Massey

“How can I be better organised”? “How can I use my time more wisely?” “What new technique can I use to bring some balance into my life?” These are some of the questions I ask myself as I pour over my “To Do” list. In a typical day I can have a list of at least ten tasks that need to accomplished; each just as important as the next.

It is easy to can get overwhelmed when there is so much to do. Do you ever think to yourself: “I am tired of being the chauffer, cook and laundry maid–I want to have some fun!” If this scenario sounds familiar then let me share with you what God has been teaching me about schedules.

1. What’s at the Top of Your “To Do” List?

Luke 10:38-42  As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Have you ever had a day where you felt that everything depended on you? Martha was having that kind of day. She had invited Jesus and his twelve disciples over for dinner. That meant she had a lot of preparations to make. Because of all the work involved with entertaining this large group of people, Martha was very upset that her sister Mary wasn’t helping her. In Martha’s mind taking care of her guests was more important than listening to Jesus teach–she could listen to Jesus later. She felt perfectly content with putting the Lord at the bottom of her list of priorities. The result of that decision was that she led a “worried and upset” life.

Martha was focused on the details of the dinner and not on the One for whom she was making dinner. Martha was like many of us. We have our schedules set up for the day, week, month, and year. We work so hard at being organized and productive, but where is God on our list of priorities? Shouldn’t our relationship with Him be at the top of our list? When was the last time you got up early in the morning just to spend some quality time with God? Are you distracted by all the things you need to do?

Mary had her priorities straight. She understood that a relationship with the Lord was the most important thing. That is why she was sitting at the Lord’s feet soaking up his every word. It reminds me of the scripture that says, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:21). Where is your heart?

2. Pray About Your Schedule

Psalm 143:8 “Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.”

As I have been growing in the area of relying on God, he has shown me that I need to go to Him each day for help with my schedule. As I pray, I humbly acknowledge that it is His day and not mine. I ask Him to rearrange or clear my schedule so that I can do what He wants me to do. I can’t tell you how many times I have prayed like this and God has moved mountains from my schedule. I have had appointments be rescheduled and deadlines extended. I have found ways to do a job faster, found that I could put a job off to another day and had a friend call offering to watch my son for an afternoon. All these things have happened AFTER I have prayed. I am learning that I need to do this every day and not just when things get crazy. It is His schedule, not mine. No matter how efficient I make my schedule, I have to remember that He is in control and I am not.

3. Pray Throughout the Day

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

Our day rarely goes the way we thought it would. Emergencies come up, appointments get cancelled, people let us down and plans change. It can be very challenging to meet the needs of your family when things get tossed up in the air. You think you have everything covered and then it all falls apart. That is why I love the scripture referenced above. It shows me how to handle every change in my schedule–pray continually!

When a challenge comes my way, I stop and ask God for direction. I ask Him how He wants me to handle things. He always provides an answer.

4. Don’t Rely on Yourself

Jeremiah 17:5-8  This is what the LORD says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD. He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. “But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

When things are going well with my schedule and I am able to accomplish all my chores, errands and appointments, I tend to drift away from depending on God. Just like the Israelites, I become self-reliant and prideful. “I have it all covered. No need to worry. I am in control.”

It is easy for me to drift away from depending on God when I am not spending time with Him each day. God in His infinite wisdom always brings me back to Him using a little bit of chaos to show me my need. I’ll be cruising along with “my” agenda leading the way and something will happen that throws me off track. God makes it very clear that I am being self-reliant and not God-reliant. When I come to my senses I get down on my knees and pray for Him to lead the way.

When I take my schedule to God in prayer every day, I am like the tree planted by the stream. My load is lightened because God is taking care of all the details. I am free from worry. When I rely on myself I become frustrated and impatient. Then I am that bush in the wasteland. I won’t see any prosperity coming my way even if it is delivered to my doorstep in a gift wrapped package. All I see is the insurmountable obstacles in my way. I don’t see God because I am not praying. I am not praying because I am too busy trying to fix things myself. Does this sound familiar to you?

5. Don’t Worry About What People Think

Hebrews 13:6 “So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”

It is easy to get caught up in what other people think about how we use our time. “Am I doing the right thing? What will my friends think? Will they approve?” You only need to worry about what God thinks. You only need His approval. Do what is right and leave the details up to God.

Now I don’t want you to think that you don’t need to be organized or have a schedule. The point I am trying to make is that we need God’s direction. Schedules, agendas and “To Do” lists are just tools to help us be good stewards with our time. Let God decide what tasks are most important.

© 2002 – 2009 Blair Massey

Christian Lifestyle expert Blair Massey is devoted to helping Christian women around the world organize and manage their home, family and life. If you’re tired of struggling to keep up at home, Blair will show you how to unlock your God-given organizing ability so that you can start living the amazing life that God created you to enjoy! To learn how, sign up for her FREE newsletter now at http://christian-homemaking.com/affiliate-faqs

Delia eat your heart out!

I have tasked myself with learning a new dish every month on my journey to becoming more domestic (read: wife like). There is no better accomplishment than making a really tasty meal from scratch and I’m really enjoying it.

September I learnt how to make Bombay potatoes, October was Fried Rice and November is Beans with plantain. Between recipes online and my mum on the end of the phone, I haven’t faired too badly!

In addition for this month, I also decided to make a cake as well as some cupcakes!

Here are the results! P.S. They all passed the taste test, I’m pleased to say!

Beans (made from Black eyed beans)  - served with rice and stew and plantain

The dark bit to the top right is the bottom of the pot (slightly burnt!). It was enjoyed so much that that was all that was left when I came to take the picture.

Sponge Cake

Look how lovely and moist it turned out! Really impressed. One thing I noticed was how sweet it was, so I will be reducing the amount of sugar used next time.

Cupcakes

These babies looked better pre-iced! - my icing skills are a lot to be desired! I made it up okay, but applying the icing to the cakes was a different matter. Definitely need some more practice.

Will be learning in coming months:

• Yam Porridge
• Carrot Cake
• Moi moi
• Egusi Soup (have made it once, but will be doing it again)
• Ogbono soup
• Pepper soup
• Lasagne
• Brownies
• Chicken Biriyani
• Curry from scratch (not a Patak’s jar!)
• Quiche
• Apple crumble
• Chocolate cake
• Flapjack
• Cheesecake {yummy!}
• Dhal

Some of the above are Nigerian staples, which once mastered can make a meal for a few days.

I’m also keen to learn any good dinner dishes from other cultures so, if you have a good recipe you would like me to try, let me know!

First Family love

I’m a big fan of the Obama’s, as you know and the White House Photo Office have released the official Obama family portrait.

Beautiful Family!

Taken by Annie Leibovitz in the White House Green Room.

Visible Women meets…Banking

On Wednesday evening I was given the privilege to be on a panel for an event at Birmingham University.

Taken from their site…Visible Women (VW) is a women in leadership campaign. It aims to allow female students from over 110 universities across the UK to be the driving force in challenging the under-representation of women in the workplace. The campaign is run by the Student Action Team (SAT) made up of 16 students and recent graduates from across the UK making sure that the Visible Women campaign caters for the needs and aspirations of female students today.

The three-pronged campaign will look at ways in which to Motivate, Develop and Prepare female students across the UK; to reinforce equality of opportunity between men and women and to overcome the barriers of discrimination faced by women because of their sex or other external factors such as ethnicity or disability.

The campaign will:
> Showcase companies/organisations that encourage diversity
> Recognise senior female role models
> Create networking opportunities for students and recent graduates to successfully enter into the labour market.

The Visible Women Campaign is managed and delivered by Elevation Networks. EN is an independent charity and social enterprise which aims to bridge the gap between under-represented groups and industries.

Visible Women meets…are networking events which ‘provide a platform for the exchange of ideas, knowledge and advice about industries and the unique mix of graduate employees to senior managers under one roof provides a varied and broad perspective of career paths.’

Blurb from their site:

This will be an exclusive opportunity for a select number of our student network to meet with leading professionals in the field of banking.
It will give participants the chance to gain insight, one to one advice and a platform to share knowledge and learn new skills in an intimate networking environment.
The VW Campaign is run by the Student Action Team to cater for the needs of students and it is this point of difference that we seek to use as a means of being more accessible to our network and bridging the gap between them and potential employers.

I was on their panel for banking and had to talk about my career history and my experiences being a woman in the industry, as well as answer questions. I felt very honoured to be classed as a ‘leading professional’ and really enjoyed talking to the girls who attended. It seems ages ago since I was a student, but I can remember attending similar events and know the positive benefit they have.

I hope the girls who came found it useful!

*Update – here is a link to the article that was published about the event.

It’s been a while…

Aloha readers, hope you’re well.

Just recovering from a bad bout of food poisoning which has had me bed bound for the past 24 hours. Feeling much better now, but it was not good!

So I went to check out the K by Beverley Knight range at Selfridges on Tuesday and to summarise I wasn’t really impressed. All the foundations are oil free, so what’s a girl to do if you have dry skin. Plus I thought, for what was available; eye shadows, blushers and lipsticks etc, you can get better products from other brands.

I don’t know about you but I’m not one to spend loads of money on the peripherals (eye shadow, lip gloss and blush) because a lot of cheaper brands do good quality versions {check out Sleek MakeUP for some fab blushers and eye shadow palettes, all less than £5}. don’t mind spending money on a good foundation because apart from Maybelline's Dream Satin, there isn’t a budget range on the market that I personally have found to be good.

Sleek Eyeshadow Palette ‘Original’ 

So back to ‘K’ – she did have a nice blusher I saw, ‘Flame’ which is very similar to M.A.C. ‘Ambering Rose’ and ‘Her Name is Rio’ from MYFACE Cosmetics, but more expensive at £14, in terms of what you get. Ladies feel free to check the range out and let me know your thoughts!

Started back on Weight Watchers and I’ve lost 4lbs in two weeks. May not sound like loads but I’m on track for reaching my year end of goal of losing 10% of my current weight. I’m writing down what I’m eating {most days}, having soups for lunch and I’m following through the routine in Buff Brides as well as fitting in a run at weekends. I’m looking forward to fitting back into my clothes as well as getting fitter.

Winter is definitely on it’s way, the weather has got so cold lately. Need to find where my winter clothes are, its time to start sporting the gloves, hat and scarf combo and bring out the knee boots – yay!

Finally did anyone watch X-factor on Saturday/Sunday? Thought Cheryl and Whitney were ace, although comparing Cheryl’s live voice to her radio voice is interesting! She is a good dancer though.

We’re going into week three - who’s your favourite to win?

Picture source {beautifulwithbrains}

Book review: Buff Brides – Sue Fleming

I’ve heard about this book on lots of different bridal boards and it has some really good reviews online, so I’m going to check it out.

image {source}

There are lots of different workouts and exercises you can do to get you toned and fit for not only your wedding day, but post wedding too.

Sue advises giving yourself 6 months, but if that is not possible you can do it in 12 weeks. An interesting article which talks about the program makes an interesting observation that as brides-to-be we should pace ourselves and not resort to overtraining:

"The biggest mistakes brides and bridesmaids make is overtraining, trying to do too much, too   soon, and continuing to do too much too close to the wedding day," says Fleming. "Bumping up your activity levels the week before your wedding isn't going to make that much difference, and you could get injured."

or starvation:

"Don't starve yourself in the weeks before the wedding. Not only is it not healthy, but it can also affect the way you will look on the wedding day, including your skin and your hair," she says.

Hmm…interesting!

It’s currently 15p on Amazon Marketplace – bargain! Nothing to lose!

K by Beverley Knight

image {source}

Beverley Knight, British soul singer, has launched a new cosmetics line, specifically tailored for black skin, called 'K by Beverley Knight'. 

Haven't seen anything in the flesh yet, but pictures on the website look nice (as they always do!). The line features 15 products in a 78 shades, including oil-free foundations, powders, mascara, eye shadows, liners, lip-gloss and prices start from £10 {they’re around the M.A.C. level}. It’s currently sold at Selfridges and online.

I do need some new foundation, so will be checking the range out on pay day and will report back!

image {source}

18 Things I wish I knew at 18…

1. Life is short. Live it to the full and make every day count for God’s glory.
2. True friends are hard to come by but when you find them, cherish, cherish, cherish.
3. Work hard but remember to strike a balance and always put your family first.
4. Don’t go looking for love, let love find you. You need to be happy with ‘me, myself and I’ before God can bring someone into your life.
5. Never stop learning. Knowledge is power.
6. Never stop asking questions, the answer may surprise you.
7. Just because you can pay the minimum doesn’t mean you can afford the balance.
8. Emergency funds are a useful thing.
9. You can’t please everyone…so why try?
10. Your integrity matters more than you can imagine.
11. Having clear, measureable goals for your life gives you direction.
12. Take care of yourself. Eat right. Rest. Exercise. Take time off. No one else can do that for you.
13. Don’t return emails when you’re angry. Equally don’t put anything in writing you can’t say to someone’s face.
14. Trust your instincts. They’re usually right.
15. Don’t ever say anything that may offend someone who is going to be serving you food. You never know what they may stick in it when you’re not looking.
16. Always do what you say you will do – honour your word.
17. The times when you don’t feel like praying are usually the times when you should be praying the most.
18. And finally, don’t worry about life, because ultimately God is in control and all things work together for good!

What advice would you give to your 18 year old self?

Young Married Life

So my favourite online e-zine Boundless, have launched a new online community called Young Married Life. In their words it’s ‘a kind of virtual young married small group’. I’ve been surfing around the site, particularly the blog and I think it’s great. All the writers are married people ranging from those who have been married over ten years to one who got married just last month! The insight is fresh, insightful but most of all real.

There is not a lot of good online content for Christian couples (at least in my opinion), so I’m very pleased that Boundless have launched this.

Hope over and let me know what you think!

p.s. If you’ve never checked out Boundless – head over there too!

So I tried on my wedding dress…

I picked up my wedding dress from my sisters over the weekend and decided to try it on when I got home. It had been over two months since I last saw her {the dress} and the same amount of time since I last wore her. Result: it was tight– aaargh!!!

I bought my dress when I was at my thinnest, well at least thinner than I was now and with moving, changing jobs, stress around the wedding not happening I have definitely put weight on. I can see it in my face and feel it in my clothes.

One the great things about losing weight is discovering all these new clothes which you can now fit into! It’s those same clothes which now sit at the back of the wardrobe and I’m back to ‘fat’ clothes.

So what’s a girl to do? I am an emotional eater and when things get me down or things are stressing me out I reach for the biscuits {Mcvities Chocolate Caramel Digestives – I can eat a whole packet in one sitting if I not concentrating, kind of like subconscious actions}, chocolate {snickers}, crisps {wotsits} and sweets {fruit pastilles} and this is definitely not in line with Operation Esther!

It was easier to focus when there was an end goal in sight, i.e. getting married in September and once you start losing weight, it really motivates you to lose more and stay on track. I need to get that motivation back.  Any ideas? I know some of you will say 'do it for yourself not your wedding’, as let’s be real most brides who lose weight for their wedding, almost definitely put it back on in the first year of marriage, as one slips back into old ways! So it is better to get into a healthier lifestyle, rather than crash diet.

So here’s my plan:

Diet – I really need to cut out the bad stuff {which is hard! Cos I love it so much}. Maybe I should try Weight Watchers again as I’ve seen it work for other people. It really worked in my old office where we had a challenge that we couldn’t eat any crap during office hours. You won’t believe how much that helped. If the food isn’t there to snack on or eat, most of the time you can’t be bothered to get it and we all lost weight. I also always wanted a vending machine in my office, I now have one and they are B-A-D! ACTION: Cut out snacking at work – resist the urge! Also bring lunch from home so that I am not tempted to visit the canteen. I also had a thought, if I don’t bring my wallet to work or at least not spare change then that might stop me buying chocolate with it – thoughts?

Exercise – need to find something I can do that I enjoy. I have discovered that I am NOT a gym bunny and this is a sure-fire way for  me too lose pounds {£) rather than pounds {lbs}. ACTION: Cancel gym membership and find an alternative way to get fit {dance class, running etc – I will be checking out the sports centre near me this week and see what’s on offer}

I’m also going to get myself a set of scales and do weekly weigh ins at home, Weight Watchers style, to monitor progress.

I will keep you updated!

Prioritising wedding costs

They say finances are one of the major areas of conflict in relationships, particularly where you have two people with their own ideas about money, how it should be spent, how it should be saved etc. Planning a wedding gives you the first real opportunity to 'pool' resources and get real insight into what is important for people and how they value particular things.

It hasn't been too bad for us, as Mr E and I have similar ideas about how we want the wedding to be and how we will manage our finances going forward, however I have been thinking about some recent purchases and some yet to make.

My wedding dress for instance, it is beautiful, but sometimes I think of other ways I could have spent the money I paid for it. {I'm terrible - I haven't even worn it yet!} Don't get me wrong it's not mega expensive, it's pretty average, cost wise but it's something I know I'm only going to wear for one day, a few hours even, after which it will get relegated to the loft or somewhere, so cost per wear is pretty high.

Flowers are another area. I personally have never understood why you would want to spend so much money on something that will die in a few days time. Sure they look pretty, but they barely last a week and cost a fortune - it never made sense to me.

Then there is the big chair cover debate! Yes they have wow factor and can make some pretty ugly chairs look beautiful, but if there weren't there, once people sit down would they really notice? At £2.50 a pop, a 500 people wedding would set you back £1250! I'm not sure I personally could justify it - although don't hold me to it!

Your wedding is the start of the rest of your life and many people have said to us 'make sure you don't get into debt over your wedding' and that has really struck me... I really don't want us to get into debt for this wedding at all. That mantra always stays at the back of our minds when making purchasing decisions for the big day.

It's all down to about priority. How you choose to spend your money is down to what's important to you and your fiancé. Don't be swayed by what wedding magazines/blogs say you need to spend your money on or even other people's weddings. If it doesn't feel right to you, then it probably isn't right for you. Once the confetti has settled and all the cake is eaten, there will still be bills to be paid and you want to be happy that you spent money on the right things. What's important to one person, may not be important to the next.

What's important us:
- getting married in God's house
- all our family and friends being present to witness it

Aside from that, having a really good photographer to capture the day is important as we'll only do this once and want good pictures and a good caterer, as people always remember the food! Everything else is an added bonus!

Brides to be...what's important to you?

{p.s. Congratulations to my boss, who's daughter got married this weekend!}

Loving Sky Plus!!!

Got Sky Plus installed this week and I love love love it!

I know I'm probably behind on the times, but I love how I can pause live tv, fast forward through adverts and record my favourite shows to watch at times convenient to me.

Isn't technology great, {sigh}!

8 ways to build your new community

Four months ago, I relocated to a new city, which was huge emotionally. I left behind a way of life I had known for 25 years and moved to a city where I felt like a tourist for such a long time. I didn't know where anything was, I didn't know anybody apart from Mr E and one or two old friends plus I had a new job. It was tough!

Today, whilst I can't quite call myself a local, I am pleased to say that things are starting to come together. I've settled into work, got myself into a routine with the daily commute, caught up with some old friends, figured out where my local Tesco is (both 24 hours and Express), and most importantly found myself a new church.

So what has worked for me as I’ve started to build my new community? Here are some of the things I did:

1. Join a church. Seems quite obvious if you’re a Christian but even if you’re not a regular church goer, a local church is a great community to be part of. I find it helps me a lot, when trying to establish a new base. On my very first Sunday, we visited the local Methodist church, where we got to meet some of the locals in the area. Now whilst I wasn't sure at the time whether I would start going to this particular church, I found the members super friendly and they gave me some good advice on where local things were, short cuts to the train station and some history about the village, things I would not necessarily have known about otherwise. They were even kind enough to send a congratulatory wedding card around the date of our wedding, not knowing the wedding had been cancelled and that was really touching. Depending on your denomination you should be able to find a church quite easily using www.findachurch.co.uk and most churches have their own websites so you can find out more about services and mid-week meetings.
2. Re-connect with old friends. It is a small world out there and more often than not you will bump into people you didn’t even know lived in your area. This happened to me and I discovered that a few of my childhood friends now live locally. We took the opportunity to meet up over dinner and this was really good in building a new friendship group locally as not only did we catch up but they also introduced me to other people as well.
3. Transfer old networks. Back in your old community I’m sure there are groups whether social, religious or sporting that you belong to and there is nothing stopping you transferring them to your new place. For example I belong to OFNC who have branches all over the country and I know that in the major towns and cities across the UK, there will always be OFNC members there, who I can connect with. Do a little research, ask your old group, find out whether they have a base where you’re moving to, as that is something you can get involved in straight away.
4. Be prepared to put yourself out there. Back in my old city I was very familiar with the professional networking circuit and was used to seeing familiar faces whenever I went to different events, a network which I had built over 2/3 years. I remember attending a woman's networking event here in Birmingham for the first time, having only been here for three weeks. I didn’t know anyone to go with, so I went on my own, I didn’t know anyone when I got there, so again I was on my own and it was completely nerve racking! Nevertheless, it forced me to make the effort to talk to people and I’m glad that I did as I had a great time and that evening I met three fabulous ladies, two of which I have subsequently met for dinner, and the other who I connect with through email and twitter. The great thing about these professional relationships is that they can help connect you to other relevant people in your field. Don’t be afraid to put yourself outside your comfort zones. Sometimes it’s in those situations you end up having the best time and learning more about yourself.
5. Take up some new (or old) interests. I love singing and regularly sang in my old church choir. Having moved I would love to continue this at my new church. Now this won’t happen overnight but it’s something good to work towards and will help me get more integrated, thus building my community. I also recently joined the gym in an attempt to get fit for the wedding. Now to be honest I don’t really go to the gym to make friends as I’m hardly there, but I know some people who do. So if you’re that person get yourself down to your local sports facility and get involved, whether it be football, tennis or salsa dancing. Hobbies and interests are a great way to make new friends.
6. Get out and meet the local business. The village (and yes they still call themselves a village) where I live is small! There is just one high street where you can find everything, such as the bank, chemist, baker, butcher, post office, grocery store and of course the fish and chip shop and curry house. I have made a point to visit most of them and in a village as small as mine, locals always know when there are new people about and start to talk to you, asking questions. Be open to this, they’re not being nosey (well sometimes they are), they are just keen to find out more about you as well as give you useful information. In terms of my neighbours themselves I have spoken to most of them, but it’s the usual ‘hi/bye’. I did ask to borrow a can opener from my immediate neighbour when I first moved in and that was probably the longest conversation I have had with any of my neighbours. I hope over time, that this will change.
7. Join the Residents Association. May seem a little 'OTT' or old school but this has helped me to get familiar with the village where I live and its goings on. They also provide advice about safety, recycling and new things coming to village, as well as update you on things that are already in the village. Last week for instance, I found out that the local high school/college has it own sports facility which is open to the public in the evenings and you can use the gym, do dance glasses, play badminton etc – all at a greatly reduced rate than what I’m currently paying at my city centre gym. So finding that out has been really beneficial and I will be cancelling my Virgin Active membership pronto.
8. Finally, if in doubt, Facebook it. When I am trying to find out something locally and I haven’t got a clue, I often post the question in my status on Facebook. This has worked on numerous occasions, more recently when trying to find a new hairdresser and your Facebook friends who live in the area or know the area will come back to you with an answer, which nine out of ten times, will be very useful!

So there you have it, some of the things that have worked for me. I’m sure that there are more, so feel free to leave your own tips below.